One Ranger

This is probably one of the most pathetic excuses for a movie I have ever seen. Whoever decided how a Texas Ranger dresses and acts must have developed their sense of style in Walmart and on Amazon. J Malkovich appears to be living on a sidewalk in Portland, what a waste! This movie isn't even a good parody. I want a refund!!!! Much of the dialog is unintelligible, stilted and very hackneyed. This is a movie that was directed by someone who has no concept of the real culture of the American west!! This appears as if the British director of the program " Spitting Image" directed this debacle.

This movie started off good. Then it got stupid. It turned into a British action film. You know, a lot of pistol pointing, and talking but no shooting. How many times do you have to get shot before you stop giving warnings to the guys shooting you? Whoever gave this three stars on prime must have been watching another movie. Thomas Jane's character was dumb. I would say how but spoilers. The dialogue though voluminous was bad. If what you are looking for here is a mindless escape. It scores well on the mindless side, but the action was so bad it couldn't rise to the level of escapism. This is from someone who loved the Punisher!!!

I can't decide which character was the most annoying and irritating, Thomas Jane with this phony cowboy accent faking a deep Sam Elliott tone trying to emulate Clint Eastwood, Dominique Tipper with her accent and entire character unconvincing, or John Malkovich speaking so slow and slurred like he was drunk in every scene. Just one of those characters are enough to make watching this film irritating, but having to put up with all three throughout the entire 95 min runtime was unbearable. The only convincing and entertaining characters were Dean Jagger and Jess Liaudin. Then there's the predicable, convoluted, logic-defying and plot-hole riddled screenplay that has so much happening in the normally comfortable 95 min runtime, the irritating characters and slow pacing made everything that was happening oddly boring and uninteresting. The narrative and dialog was just a lot of nonsense, filler, with very little substance. I get that this was a low budget B film, but it was just a bunch of cliched narratives thrown all together to try and make an interesting story, and it failed. Maybe I would've enjoyed it a little more with less annoying and cliched characters, but as it was, it was painful to watch. Sure there were a few decent action scenes, but that's it.

Except for Thomas Jane's ridiculously over-the-top Texas accent and his cowboy hat that didn't fit, the movie's not all that bad. A dialogue coach and a properly fitted hat could have turned this from a 5 into a 7 rather easily. The premise was a bit goofy, but the action made up for it--sort of. There are a lot of flicks out there now that are worse. Malkovich was hilarious in a part where he channeled Billy Bob Thornton's "Karl" from "Sling Blade" sort of transformed into a British intelligence agent, but it wasn't supposed to be funny. It just was. Overall, a pretty good way to kill an hour and a half. Not great,, but not bad.

This movie is Bad, Weak storyline and not at all believable. The usual best of the best to go after the worst of the worst and also a super bad terrorist. Pure Do - Do , I expected a somewhat good movie , But was sadly mistaken , I won't be recommending this to anyone , I will say watch at your own risk and be prepared to be Bored. It did have a chance at being a good movie , It Failed at the attempt, Money not well spent to produce this Stinker and definitely don't do a sequel at all. So watch at your own Risk , Just know you have been warned. You can only blame yourself if you watch it and get upset.

So, fair disclaimer ahead of time, I'm a pretty big fan of most of Thomas Jane's stuff. He's had some great roles that I really enjoyed, and I hoped that this movie would be another chance for him to shine. Unfortunately, it really wasn't a chance for anyone to shine at all, not even John Malkovich. Not exactly sure what I expected, I guess I just expected a decent action movie with a Texas Ranger chasing after a criminal. You know, normal stuff. What we got was a weird knock-off of Walker Texas Ranger with a bad script, acceptable fight scenes, and a lot of cliché lines that didn't fit the movie at all. It's like an AI took a bunch of segments from a handful of the most popular action movies and just slapped it all together to create this .... I'm not even sure what to call it. It's just a bunch of oddly disconnected scenes that don't make a lot of sense and are stitched together. I would also like to point out how ridiculous the gun-play was. Because after realizing half-way through that the story was a bust, I thought maybe things can be somewhat redeemed with a few good gun battles. However, the directors of this movie clearly decided to roll with an emphasis on flashy, and completely ignore believable. There are several scenes where dozens of rounds are fired from handguns that can only hold half that amount. Rifles are given to the main characters from "tactical/strike teams" without sights. Rocket launchers are used on people like it's some kind of video game. Characters using machine guns one-handed, as if recoil doesn't exist and physics don't matter. It's like watching a bargain-bin 80's action movie from the local dollar store, but without the charm, awesome hairstyles, cool cars, and mirrored aviators worn by the main character. Anyhow, I'm done wasting my time with this review, already wasted far too much time watching this movie. Swing, and a miss. Better luck next time, Thomas Jane.