Teddiscare

Like watching a car crash involving people you despise. The main character is what would happen if Stephen Stills and Joe Walsh merged into one person who regressed into a childlike state when presented with plush toys. And for being utter garbage of an amateurish movie of totally worthless detritus, it is a very plot-heavy affair. We learn that when it comes to orphans, they will only accept organic stuffed animals. Who knew. Okay. So for all the horrible acting, and ketchup for blood, and Bill Bailey dressed as a preacher but playing a lawyer, the little shovel , and the red hot chef love subplot, this movie has a message. And that message is: anyone can get their friends and their cellphones together and shot each other doing silly, unstable things in order to get an IMDb credit.

Needless to say that I had never actually heard about the 2024 horror movie "Teddiscare" prior to sitting down to watch it. I happened to stumble upon the movie by random luck, and I have to say that the movie's cover was actually interesting enough to make me stop and take notice. It had a very 1980s classic horror feel to it, and that is what drew me in. However, had I known that this was a Mark Polonia movie, then I would have avoided it like the plague. Yeah, that guy just doesn't make good movies. For some reason it feels like he has made a sport out of finding the most inept and untalented actors and actresses. And "Teddiscare" was no different. The movie is terrible. No doubt about it, and the cover was the best thing about the ordeal. In fact, the movie's cover had nothing to do with the movie, as it was merely a guy walking around in a teddy bear mascot costume bought off of Wish. So yeah, it was a major disappointment to see that. I wouldn't have to say that I wasn't familiar with a single actor or actress on the cast list, except for Jeff Kirkendall, whom apparently is in every single Mark Polonia movie. The acting performances in "Teddiscare" were nothing to write home about. Visually, then this movie is bad. Especially the CGI animated blood spray. That was just horrible to look at. Now, I am sure that there is a small niche of hardcore Mark Polonia fans out there that will find some perverse enjoyment in "Teddiscare". But for the casual viewer and those wanting to be entertained by a proper movie, then don't waste 82 minutes of your life on watching this dumpster fire of a movie. Some of us suffered through this, so you don't have to; you're very welcome. My rating of "Teddiscare" lands on a two out of ten stars.