Fire Maidens of Outer Space

I saw this movie when it was released. My friend and I who saw it thought it was funny then and I still think it is one of the most unintentionally funny films ever made. The 'no-expense-spared' location shots of, possibly the planet Clapham Common, are a complete hoot. Whenever I talk with people about bad films I have seen (and I've seen a few) this one always comes up. Some of the people in it went on to become car-park attendants, I think. One thing, though. It was a 'B' feature, but I cannot for the life of me remember what the big film was, so it must have had something to make me remember it. And, it was better than 'The Wicker Man' (don't get me started on that bilge!)

My one memory of this appalling movie is of the spaceship's captain extinguishing his cigarette to announce "gentlemen, it's time for us to synchronise our LONGINES watches with the LONGINES master clock." At which point, the screen is filled with a shot of a very large, very ordinary looking wall clock with a prominent LONGINES logo on its dial. The camera lingers....and lingers....meanwhile, the viewer makes a mental note "must buy Omega next time."

Like nearly all these films, A lost group of traveling men, here astronauts, stumble upon a glorious and most unexpected find upon Jupiter's 13th Moon: a group of scantily clad young lovelies looking for husbands (yes it's another CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON rehash). Along the way they must overcome a deadly meteor shower and a weird misshapen creature (a tall guy wearing a mask) which roams the moon. If you like this type of film (CAT WOMEN OF THE MOON, MISSILE TO THE MOON, QUEEN OF OUTER SPACE), you'll likely enjoy this one too even though it actually somehow manages to look cheaper and more low budget than any of those. Some rather unexpected musical accompaniment does enhance a dance ritual scene.

This movie was shown repeatedly on TV between 1957 and the early 60s. Anyone who saw it in the 50s remembers the soundtrack and the hot Fire Maidens! It was a silly low-tech movie, yes, but it was no worse than any other implausible sci-fi flick of that pre-spaceflight era. This movie is what it is, and what it is, is a pleasurable escapist marshmallow. See it if you can - you'll get a few laughs out of it.

Despite inept dialogue, cramped sets, second-string acting, penny-pinching special effects, and time-wasting "B"-picture shuffling, this low-budget, sci-fi yarn is not all that unentertaining. Decided assets include: (1) The plot, neatly combining the Atlantis legend with Theseus and the Minotaur; (2) a bit of effective Minotaur make-up by Roy Ashton; (3) a few flashes of directorial skill by Mr Roth; and (4) not least, a bevy of really beautiful fire maidens led by the very charming Susan Shaw (one of my favorites, I must admit) and the agreeably villainous Maya Koumani. Camp followers will also enjoy the zippy music score comprising a few snatches of Khachaturian's "Saber Dance" with generous excerpts from Borodin's "Polovetsian Dances". If you close your eyes, you can almost imagine yourself listening to the soundtrack of M-G-M's Kismet. True, Dexter makes a wet hero, and Carpenter is even more soppy, but who cares?