The Dallas Connection

This film begins with an attractive woman who goes by the nickname of "Black Widow" (Julie Strain) seducing a French scientist and then killing him in his apartment bedroom. The scene then shifts to South Africa where another scientist is killed by a pretty blonde assassin known only as "Cobra" (Julie K. Smith). Not long afterward, yet another scientist is killed in Hong Kong by a female assassin who goes by the name of "Scorpion" (Wendy Hamilton). As might be expected, since these three scientists were all working together on an international project of great importance, federal agents are quickly dispatched to Dallas in order to protect the only scientist left from the original group. The problem is that the agency hired to protect him has been compromised, and the team of assassins know exactly where to find the remaining scientist and all of the information he has available to him. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this film had an interesting plot and featured a number of attractive actresses like Samantha Phillips (as "Samantha Maxx") along with both Julie Strain and Julie K. Smith to enhance the scenery. Unfortunately, it wasn't quite enough as the script was rather basic and the acting could have used some improvement as well. In short, this was a typical Andy Sidaris production and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

Granted that the 1994 action movie "The Dallas Connection" is another movie in the L. E. T. H. A. L. series, I have to admit that I wasn't harboring much of any high expectations to the movie as it is a Sidaris movie after all. And this particular movie is written and directed by Christian Drew Sidaris, so once again Andy Sidaris is not at the wheel. Now, I have recently sat through a lot of the Sidaris movies, and I have to say that "The Dallas Connection" is undoubtedly the worst one yet. The storyline was right out the window in order to make room for an excessive and wholly unnecessary amount of lewd sex scenes. Yeah, it was seriously too much, and hence it was a very difficult movie to sit through. It was just toe-curling to watch any shred of storyline being tossed right out the window in order to cram in another cringe-worthy sex scene. The acting performances in "The Dallas Connection" were hardly an issue, since there almost was no storyline that required acting performances to be delivered, and let's just face it, sex scenes doesn't warrant any skill in acting. The cast ensemble includes the likes of Bruce Penhall, Julie Strain, Rodrigo Obregón and Samantha Phillips whom all returns to the franchise, also having been seen in previous Sidaris movies. There was no doubt about the fact that "The Dallas Connection" was not my cup of tea, and I managed to endure a mind-boggling 60 minutes out of the 94 minute runtime. But by then I just couldn't stand watching this nonsense anymore. And believe you me, this is not a movie that I will ever be returning to. My rating of "The Dallas Connection" lands on a two out of ten stars.

The Dallas Connection is one of the later films from Andy Sidaris. Well, strictly speaking, this one was actually directed by his son Drew and produced by Andy. But you would be doing better than me if you noticed any difference because no matter who directed this one, it's exactly the same as all the others that go under the Sidaris name. Like the rest, this one is an action flick that relies very heavily on beautiful large breasted women who lose their clothes on a regular basis. Without the ladies, most of Sidaris films would be hopeless and this one is no exception. Its story really isn't worth describing, except to say that it revolves around a trio of professional female killers called Black Widow, Cobra and Scorpion. These femme fatales are played by Julie Strain, Julie K. Smith and Wendy Hamilton. Fortunately, all of them disrobe frequently to frolic about in, amongst other places the shower and a strip club. Julie Strain seduces a restrained man in dominatrix PVC gear in a standout moment but best of all is the truly mesmerizingly sexy Julie K. Smith frolicking around in a hot tub with some lucky 'victim'. Its soft-core erotica basically but with a very high calibre of eye candy. Aside from this the plot-line plods along in an uninspired way, although there are some agreeably stupid moments like death by exploding golf ball and the ludicrous blow-up doll scene. My advice would be to watch it for the ladies and tolerate the rest.

"The Dallas Connection" delivers the expected breasts, travelogue footage, explosions, and even some legitimate plot twists, but it has too many drawn-out non-action sequences, probably the result of Andy Sidaris & son Christian stretching the film to make it reach the 90-minute mark. As the female lead, Sam Phillips is a poor replacement for Suzi Simpson (not to mention Dona Speir). Suzi did a very good job in "Enemy Gold", and I wonder why Sidaris didn't cast her again. Sam is portrayed as useless in the action scenes. She is easily controlled by an unarmed man, while in "Enemy Gold" Suzi easily disarmed an armed man in about 3 seconds - see the difference? Julie K. Smith and Wendy Hamilton (a stunningly beautiful woman) do about 95% stripping and 5% action. Julie Strain is fine as long as she doesn't have to speak - when she does, the illusion is ruined. In terms of the female action quotient, this is probably Sidaris' most disappointing film since "Malibu Express". (**)

There is one name today in the realm of B style soft core skin flicks and that is Sidaris. This is the kind of movie that if you saw it when you were 13, you wouldn't leave your room for a week. This movie knows it is an exploitation flick and doesn't take itself too seriously. It is actually fun to watch as more than just a parade of large breasts. Of course, there is a strip club sequence that is tough to forget. I wouldn't rent this one, but it kept me awake on cable.

The usual action flesh fantasy for male viewers, this Sidaris flick is not as good as a few others, but the girls looks great (there is my favorite Playmate, Wendy Hamilton, that doesn't show as much as I hope, but it's still a threat; there is also Julie Strain's Black Widow, with an opening scene Basic Instinct style that it's really good) and the action is good enough to let the 90 minutes of the movie pass without any boring moment. The plot is contrived, but it's part of the show: for a Sidaris movie it's a good enough one