The Cartier Affair

There are a few "80s soap operaesque" scenes otherwise it's a pretty good movie, especially considering it was a "made for TV movie" in the 80s. Plus Joan Collins looks amazing for a 51 year old, also some decent acting from Hasselhoff.

Collins is her usual over-the-top actress, so much so she can't even pull off being funny. And Hasselhoff is just hard to look at as he seems like a living, breathing cartoon character. Big oaf "David" is a live action Bluto. And every other character is just that, poorly character acting. I can appreciate silly, stupid, hokey comedies, but this one didn't even pull that off. Boo.

THE CARTIER AFFAIR stars David Hasselhoff as ex-con, Curt Taylor. Owing a crime boss named Drexler (Telly Savalas) big money, Taylor needs a job fast. This leads him to becoming the secretary for soap star, Cartier Rand (Joan Collins!). Unfortunately, Taylor has two problems: #1- Drexler's cronies want his help in their plan to rob Ms. Rand. #2- His new employer's husband is extremely jealous, forcing Taylor to pretend he's gay. This becomes even more complicated when Taylor falls for Ms. Rand. Hilarity, eventual romance, and adventure ensue. As made-for-TV movies go, this one's pretty good. Both "The Hoff" and Ms. Collins are likeable enough. Savalas is great in his smallish role. Obviously, there's nothing here to be taken even remotely seriously. At all. Utterly harmless fluff to watch whenever your cheeeze-tank is low...

Most of this 1984 movie isn't dated. It's cute and funny. Joan does what she does best - she acts as Joan. David is surprisingly a good comedian and doesn't overact.