The Cabin

Even Asylum doesn't sink this low -- when you specifically create cover art to look like the cover art of a similarly-named and infinitely better movie from 8 years ago to lure in viewers, you've pretty much admitted you know your movie is beyond awful and can't draw viewers on its own merits. The deliberate attempt to imitate "he Cabin in the Woods" semi-iconic floating cabin cover art says all that needs to be said about this movie, and certainly all this movies deserves to have said about it. Well, the fact that they managed to sink even lower than the Asylum studios does bear repeating, actually. So that's two things that need to be said about this movie. I'm giving them two stars for remembering to take the lens caps off the cameras, and deducting one star because that tragically ensured we could see what they were doing.

I enjoyed the first 20 mins of this movie as I thought I was watching a thriller about a repressed homosexual and his moody, cranky beard only to find out it gets better than that! Only four cast members in the whole film? Couldn't tell as the protagonists alone where multi-layered and dimensional. They seem like a really happy couple, soul mates - if you will - who just seem to be having a bad day. Totally relatable! The 'killer' has an edge - a survivalist attitude and a huge chainsaw. He pretty smexy too! Could chase me thru he woods of you know what I mean ;) Gripping and edge-of-your-seat viewing with imalgumations of terror, suspense and harrowing horror. Then, and THEN!... The breathtaking fanale, the cinematic climax, the magnetic crescendo! Oh was it Oscar worthy. Literal tears running down my face. Pure genius! Will watch this time and time again as a classic in it's own time!

Sven (Erik Kammerland) kills a man (Thomas Hedengran) and occupies his farm. Meanwhile, Harry (Christopher Lee Page) and Rose (Caitlin Crommett) are on their way to a remote cabin for a getaway week. They have issues and do whatever they can to irritate the other one. Rose prefers the smell of urine on the city sidewalk to the country. The bickering sometimes gets physical and he drops the "C" word on her. Neither are likable. In order to reach the cabin, they must park their car and borrow a rowboat from....you guessed it, the only other living character in the script. Now why he is killing is unknown. They did the stop at the gas station with weird people scene. It didn't tie into the film. They also stopped the car and Harry had an odd look around. Again it didn't tie into anything. The film goes through the basic motions of a cabin in the woods film but forgot to create a decent backstory. Guide: swearing. Implied sex. no nudity.

This could've been a pretty good thriller/horror movie but I was so annoyed thinking who does NOT arm themselves with a some sort of weapon after knowing they are being sought after? REALLY? This movie is so unbelievable with many gaps. They definitely dropped the ball on this film. In this day and age, why is it so difficult to make an authentic horror movie without being stupid, unbelievable, and cheap? It's not even comical anymore, just a waste of the viewers time and money. And the characters are so dumb and naive and annoying that you could care less if they are killed anyway. You feel nothing for them. Just the fact that he left the cabin without even a stick to poke the killer, leads me to root for the killer.

Has some nice locations and it has a one debt camera work. It kept my attention as the reality is a cabin in the woods, in the Muffle if nowhere can turn wrong.