Hercules in New York

If you think this movie isn't worth watching, then you obviously have no sense of humor. Stop taking life so seriously and go watch "Hercules Goes to New York." If you can't laugh at this movie and appreciate it for the horrible piece of seventies anti-* money at work that it is, then perhaps something along the lines of, oh, we'll say that Mariah Carey movie put out a number of years ago, or perhaps a documentary on the Exxon Valdez disaster would be more up your alley. Either way, when you die, you'll be glad you saw it at least, or more likely, at most, once. It beats being mean to people. You also get to witness firsthand the glorious age before dubbing was perfected, and hear Arnold as you've never heard him before.

If I feel down, all I need to do is think of Arnie fighting the grizzly bear in Hercules in New York and it cracks me up. The grizzly bear is actually just some big guy wearing a Halloween costume, he even moves like a human. But thats not the silliest scene. Arnold also fights a group of sailors with a plank and throws them in the sea, the sound effects and horrible choreography in that scene is hilarious. I've got the version of this movie with Arnies real voice, and just hearing that makes this movie worth getting. But Arnold is not the worst actor in this movie, his partner, Arnold Stang is much worse. The Mafia is even this movie, well, three guys...played by actors who probably auditioned for The Godfather but didn't make it. Yeeeaaahhhh.... The "brilliant" theme song in this movie is played about 500 times. I would give this movie a one, but it made me laugh...so I guess it deserves a 2. Hoo-Ya.

A film of at times incredible and hilarious ineptitude (scenes of the "gods" on Mount Olympus are interrupted constantly by the sounds of honking horns, which are often louder than the heavenly dialogue) saved to some extent by the sincere starring duo of Stang and Schwartzenneger (whose voice is dubbed in the theatrical version, perhaps unintentionally making this film funnier for those like myself who've seen more than a few Italian "pec epics"). Not a true action picture, more of an attempt at comedy that is more often funny against its intentions. Try to count how many times Arnie says "I am Hercules" (as if to convince HIMSELF that he's truly acting), and if you can make it to the end I'll give you a cracker or something. You gotta love this film.

I don't know if it wasn't meant to be but this movie is hilarious. How can you downgrade a movie that offers Arnold in his true form, no facial expressions, an accent that can hardly be understood, and muscles on top of muscles. If you have seen the DVD version you can watch the movie with his voice, which makes all the difference in the world, if you're an Arnold fan that is. My personal favorite is, "I do nots care abouts ze zundaboats." I don't think that line can ever be topped. And who can not laugh at the New York traffic sounds on Mt. Olympus. This movie may be the most underbudget, worst film of all time, but it's Arnold and it's great for a laugh. If stupid things make you laugh then this movie is a must.

Wow, this movie has to be seen to be believed! I can't believe that Arnold "Pretzie" Stang was overlooked AGAIN by the Academy! A finer piece of work I have not seen! Except perhaps by that guy in the bear suit. Now that was some great acting as well. Of course, this is all from the perspective of being drunk, which is what you would have to be to like this movie! :P