For Your Eyes Only

FOR YOUR EYES ONLY has got to be an all-time topper for absolute stupidity, with foolishness that quite over-arches the usual Bondian idiocies. For starters, you got some of the dumbest bad guys in the history of dumb bad guys. Among the highlights: * attempted assassination not only by hockey brawl (wow) but also by dune buggy - does nobody have a radon pellet blow gun umbrella?; * not one but two death-by-methods-slow-and-unlikely-enough-to-allow-Bond-to-escape - one is enough for most supervillains, but after all this time there are not one but two of those; * multiple other opportunities to kill Bond in which he is instead either taken captive or kicked or knocked out, always by people who want him dead and are holding guns; * okay, this is just another example of the last, but it's the HEAD OF THE KGB telling his own guy not to shoot the most effective member of the opposition; * a fistfight with a guy who can throw motorcycles, in which the strongman insists on picking up things heavy enough for him to throw inaccurately (like for instance motorcycles) instead of crushing Bond's head in his hands; * and a mountaintop fortress/lair guarded by about, oh, maybe four guys, some of whom are apparently armed only with old WW2-surplus handguns. But wait - there's more. You got a cute Bond girl Bond inexplicably refuses to sleep with although she's present for no other purpose; in fact this Bond is remarkably sexless, bonking only the future Mrs Remington Steel until the end, when he finally gets around to the Chanel chick; you got Bond doing a Jon Voight impression up the back of a mountain just so he can lower a basket (to pick up his team) on a noisy winch that alerts the guards, because he wanted "the element of surprise" - this of course during the great Mediterranean helicopter shortage of 1980 - then he ruins the surprise for that portion of the guards who were asleep by engaging in noisy brawls and throwing people through windows; best of all, you got a macguffin sunk at the bottom of the Ionian sea for about two weeks, a macguffin everybody says is really really important, the recovery of which somehow requires a drive through Spain and a skiing tour of Italy followed by a couple of boat trips to Albania, before anybody dives for this incredibly valuable and time-sensitive thing, a salvage operation so simple, by the way, that it can be accomplished by a girl with a mini-sub. A girl who had a mini-sub the whole time. And knew where the wreck was. And was ostensibly working for MI6. And was already diving nearby. But just didn't get around to it. Good thing the Russians weren't looking for it - oh, wait... To be fair, there's some good second unit stuff, better than usual for an Eon production actually, especially the skiing. The underwater stuff, featuring a diving girl who wouldn't go underwater, had to be shot in slow motion sans water, and I must say that the process shots with bubbles fooled me. Good stuff. That stuntman who gets sharkbit in the jewels should have got extra pay. And Topol's a great prop for Moore's sagging charisma. But overall, ehhhhh.

A British fishing trawler/surveillance ship, on duty in the Ionian Sea, is sunk by an old World War II mine caught in her fishing nets Lost in the wreck is a top secret missile launching device which soon becomes 'something of value' in a characteristic British-Russian confrontation 007 is seen caught in a cold-blooded feud between two Greek ex-partisans… He has to recover a transmitter that could fall into the wrong hands… He is sent to climb up the cliffs below an abandoned monastery complex, and is aided by a vigorous and decided sharpshooter whose expertise with a crossbow proved vital Throughout the mission 007 is aided by the brave Melina Havelock, a perfect Bond heroine determined to avenge her parents at all costs... Melina Havelock is a combination of Tilly Masterson from 'Goldfinger' and Domino from 'Thunderball.' Melina comes upon a much bigger plot, involving 007 and a Russian-British race to regain the A.T.A.C. As Bond, Roger Moore finally gets his hair messed up, and more… He is at the mercy of a bald figure in a wheelchair who controls his destiny; chased by ski-borne motorcycles; assailed by spear-carrying fishermen and unlucky hockey players; attacked by sharks and enemy divers; tied up and dragged behind a boat along the sharp corals The film succeeds in introducing many mysterious characters… Three of them are: Milos Columbo (Topol) who becomes the incarnation of Bond's old friend Kerim Bey... Known as 'The Dove,' Columbo is a pistachio-chewing Greek smuggler, ex-resistance fighter, and casino owner on the Greek island in the Aegean Sea… Between him and Kristatos, there is blood feud dating back to World War II, when both fought the Nazis as resistance fighters on Crete Ari Kristatos (Julian Glover) who manages to hide his treacherous nature behind a veneer of sophistication... Kristatos comes across as the most believable Bond villain in years… He introduces himself as an enthusiastic Anglophile who was a resistance fighter during the Second World War, and apparently uses Bond to murder his smuggling rival while scheming to please the KGB Bibi Dahl (Lynn Holly Johnson) who would do anything for Bond! She is the American figure-skating prodigy who meets 007 in Cortina D'Ampezzo, where at one point was invitingly in 007's bed Hate and revenge play significant part in this twelfth James Bond film… "For Your Eyes Only" follows the adventure and exotic appeal of earlier Bond movies like 'From Russia with Love' and 'On Her Majesty's Secret Service'. The result is a delightful spy adventure with plenty of intriguing characters, plot twists, and romance

For Your Eyes Only is the best Bond film with Roger Moore as agent 007. It had the best story of all the Moore Bond's, as well as the best action sequences. These sequences include a thrilling ski chase, as well as an edge of your seat mountain climb. Carole Bouquet portrays one of the most serious minded Bond girls in the serious. We also have the late Cassandra Harris as a Bond girl who at the time was married to future Bond Pierce Brosnan. Even for everyone who didn't like Moore's portrayal of Bond, you still gotta claim this one as his best even though he was in his mid 50's. Sheena Easton sang probably the best theme song of all the Bond films.