Jupiter's Darling

Not a bad movie. Interesting concept not to be taken seriously. Great photography, scenery and costumes. Lots of beautiful animals. Dancing is good, songs just so-so. Only movie I think Ive ever seen with and underwater swimming chase scene.

The only way to watch this turkey is in a repertory cinema late on a Saturday night with friends where everyone gets to laugh as loud as they please at the ridiculousness of the movie. Who can say what is worst -- the clumsy, childish narrative, the clumsy, childish dialogue, the ridiculous battle scenes? There's no saving grace at all in this absurd, amateurish waste of time. It's as if a group of tenth graders were given a few million dollars to write and produce a movie based on a few paragraphs they read about Hannibal. Laugh, if you can. Otherwise, don't bother. It hurts watching as if it were a real movie.

I had wanted to see this film for a long time since I like Esther Williams, Howard Keel and the Champions. I saw it last night on TCM. What a let down. Not one good, memorable song, no real story and even the dance numbers were uninspired. This could have been a real killer of a movie but it just sort of puttered along on two cylinders, not good enough to be enjoyable but not quite bad enough to say the heck with it and give up. Esther's fantasy swimming number with the living statues is the high point. Howard Keel has no song worthy of his talent and the Champion's dance number with the elephants goes on way too long. The other reviewers have pretty much said it all. The fact that this film is not included in ANY of the Esther Williams DVD collections says a bunch.

Enormous in scope and production with elephants, horses, and a cast of thousands of costumed, weaponized extras, this picture is a cute diversion for an hour and a half. Esther Williams is downright gorgeous, period. The superbly dependable Howard Keel didn't have to visit the cafeteria, inasmuch as he spent the whole picture chewing the scenery. The battle scenes were well-shot, the humor and 1955ish lust delightfully presented. The Champions deliver their usual athletic dence routines to witty choreography by Hermes Pan. Unfortunately, the lyrics of the infrequent songs are abysmal, probably the result of a competition MGM sponsored for high school students. Fortunately, the tuneless, unmemorable music for these songs stoops to the level of the words. Still, just to catch an eyeful of the well-put-together Ms. Williams and Mr. Keel make this a pleasant way to kill an hour and a half.

This film was a hoot! And for a spoof its humour was subtle (at times) and generally amusing. I just loved the opening splash screen - something along the lines of: "the year 216 BC Hannibal marched on Rome. The history of this great march has been confusing. This film will do nothing to clear it up" I giggled then and many more times throughout. Sad that it was a flop. If you want interesting aquatic action with wonderful Esther, then the first one is a cracker. The music, for me was pleasant and completely unmemorable. Loved it, made me smile for its self-indulgent silliness! The crowd scenes are impressive and the costumes impressive but the scene with the ballet dancing pachyderms was just too much. Damned shame Hannibal didn't appear naked in the river as he was gorgeous.